The "Comfort" Zone

Comfort noun

1. 1.

   a state of physical ease and freedom from pain or constraint.
2. 
   

I find it ironic that something that is so restricting and limiting can be called a "Comfort" Zone! Yet so many people live their lives, restricted and limited by the the belief that they are 'comfortable' when, in fact, it is more a case of fearing anything outside the boundaries as set out by the "Comfort Zone" they've created themselves. 

They mistake the fast beating heart rate, the sweaty palms, the butterflies in their stomach for being uncomfortable, when instead, they should realise it is not a feeling being uncomfortable, but the feeling of living!! 

People have great ideas and often wish they could do something, but don't act because something always holds them back. Usually an array of reasons they create to stop them admitting to themselves it's a little out of their comfort zone and they don't want to get uncomfortable.

There are so many things I have done where I have felt that awkward feeling, where my voice feels like it is trembling, but I channel the anxiety and tell myself "This is the feeling of being alive" there are still so many things that I would deem as being outside my Comfort Zone, but will that stop even trying? Hell No!!

My husband is a great example of this. He knows what he wants and he will get it. Period! When he worked in London the journey took 2 hours... each way!! And between train and tube fees, not only did it take a long time, it was costly too.  Whilst walking between stations he saw a few other commuters on "Adult Scooters" and I don't mean the motorised kind either...  Always one to try and save on anything, he decided to invest in an Adult Scooter!!

Needless to say, when he told us his plans we did all have a giggle! But not to be put off, and in June 2015 we headed to the shops and bought him a scooter. The kids were green with envy. You try and tell a 9 year old and 6 year that Daddy wasn't buying a toy! 

So, with his new foldable scooter, he cancelled his tube tickets and in less than a month, made the money back he spent on the Scooter.. This continued for the following month and although wasn't a huge change in time, it was saving us a little money. He still had jokes from the family about it, but his defense was... "I am saving money" he was never put off, he knew what he was doing and why.

But that was just the start. The cogs had begun to turn. The scooter had sparked something and by the end of July of 2015 he thought "I wonder how much money AND time I could save if I got a motorbike"  this coming from a 30-something bloke who had never even sat on a motorbike in his entire life, let alone ride one! So, he decided to book his CBT.

By the beginning of September , he had passed his CBT, looked, found, bought and had delivered a brand new Honda CB125F and was taking his very first, unsupervised, tentative ride ride to the petrol station, with me following behind in the car... doing 20mph on a 30mph street with a queue of cars behind us!

He went out a few times in the local area and did a few test runs up to London. The thought of travelling to London during rush hour, was still a huge concern and a massive stretch on the good old Comfort Zone. Eventually he bit the bullet and did it. Now, in April 2016, he just passed his full test!

This coming from the guy who had never sat on a bike before!

It is amazing what you can do if you let go of the invisible restraint  you call your Comfort Zone and realise that anything is possible! Stop restricting yourself with self-limiting beliefs and go out and experience the feeling of being alive. Go for the things you always want and don't let a silly thing like comfort hold you back!!

We Rise By Lifting Others

I absolutely love this quote! I have previously worked in industries where pushing people down and climbing over them was the only way to move forward and get ahead. You needed to be in with the right people, it didn't matter if you were good at your job, that promotion was going to the person within the clique! You know, the person's head you couldn't see because it was so far... (you get the point)

I left that industry in mid-2011 to start my own Childminding business so I could be with my children. But it wasn't 'me' I wasn't doing what I was meant to do. It was great while my children were younger, but as soon as they were both in full time school it felt as though I hardly saw them, and when I did, I had other kids with me so my attention was diluted!.

In 2014 I was introduced to the business I have now, and believe me, at first I was incredibly dubious about it, but at the time decided, what the heck, and went for it. I was still doing my Childminding as that was giving me my main source of income... The other business was giving me something more valuable!

From the very start, I was encouraged to do Personal Development. Now I know I have banged on about this subject in previous blogs, but it really has been a significant thing in my life. Over the following months I read, attended various events, conferences and grew myself. I was given so much love, support and guidance by my mentors. I was beginning to see that actually, there are other, more fulfilling ways to get to where you want to be, that did't require putting people down. Quite the opposite in fact!

After the Stroke and losing my Childminding business, I decided that now was the perfect time to really get in to what I truly believed I was supposed to do. What I was put here to do! However, I knew I would not be able to do it on my own and that I needed to ask for help. So that is what I did!

I was so overwhelmed to find so many people offering to come to my aid in various different ways. When it came to re-launching my business one lady got in touch, someone I didn't know and had never met before... She wanted to help me! For no other reason, but to help! 

On the day of the re-launch, I had not one, but three amazing ladies come to help me, not only that but they drove well over an hour to get to me... Again, for no gain whatsoever! They were just incredible and so generous with themselves. I am grateful that I now get to call these women, friends!

It has made me so much more passionate about showing people that it is not what we do for ourselves that counts, but what we do for others! If people stopped trying to 'one up' the person next to them and instead put their efforts in to building them up, we would live in a much nicer place.

Don't get consumed with negativity, jealously, hatred  and anger.. It gets you no where! It clouds your judgement and causes you to react in ways that do not benefit you in the long run. Do something kind for someone, for no reason and no gain, except for the personal gain you get, when you smile inside to yourself because you feel good

Do What You Love!

I am very lucky in the sense that I can usually turn my hand to most things. What is it they say? Jack of all trades, master of none! Well that's me! I have been and done so many things and I have always done a pretty decent job of it. As a waitress I always received great tips... and not the "don't eat yellow snow" variety! As a barmaid I was generally one of the fastest servers, again, getting a fair few tips. Even in retail I was good with people and had repeat customers. But I was never the top person! I never out shone anyone else, I just kept my head down and did my job to the best of my ability.. I never felt fulfilled!

I am also a very creative person and love all things quirky, handmade and unique. I have tried my hand at Nappy Cakes, Edible Cakes, Wooden Photo Plaques, and various others crafty bits and bobs! Again, I was good, but never really got far with it. My mind is a million miles an hour and I flit from things so easily, as I get bored quickly when it is no longer challenging me. 

But there is one thing I love, that I feel desperately passionate about. One thing that I could do for the rest of my life, not get paid and never get bored of! It sounds so cliche and corny, but I love helping others with their lives, mainly their careers, businesses, passions etc. I can feel myself getting worked up and excited by seeing the potential in other people. By giving them ideas and helping them reach their own goals. There is an enormous sense of satisfaction to be had by encouraging, motivating and inspiring others.

If I had a choice of have one single business, be extremely wealthy and concentrate on just myself or, do lots of different things to help other people realise their dreams and live an emotionally full life, I know what I would pick over and over again! To me, being rich is not how much I have in my bank, but how much I have in my heart.

Everyone gets so consumed with get a good education, get a good job, get a nice house... That's all good and well, if that is where your passion is. But I can tell you now, if you're not passionate about what you are doing, you are wasting this lifetime. You were not put on this Earth to wake up Monday to Thursday with the feeling of "ugh, work" then wake up Friday and think "Finally, the weekend" to get to Sunday and think "Here we go again!" what a tragic waste of life!

These are the thoughts and feelings you have when you're not doing what you were meant to do. These are the thoughts that mean you are not fulfilled not reaching and exceeding your true potential. What gets you going? What gets you excited? What makes you feel really alive? What are you passionate about? What, when you start to talk about it and think about it, gives you those small bubbles in the pit of your stomach that make you want to act in that every second? That is what you should be doing!

It doesn't matter how many times you may fail at something, especially if it is something you are passionate about, it's how many times you dust yourself off and get started again with more knowledge than you had before, that counts! Stop waiting for life to just happen, stop hoping for things to get improve and go out there and improve them yourself!

Personal Development

In 2014 when I started my business, I was encouraged to read by other people within the business, all of whom had great success. One piece of advice that I was given over and over again, was to always be on a journey of Personal Development and Self-Improvement. I have mentioned this before in a previous post, but feel it has been such an important thing in my life, I want to dedicate a whole piece just on this area!

I used to read everyday, but since the stroke, reading as been very difficult, the stroke mainly affected areas 1, 3, and 9 on the diagram. For me, this resulted in impaired peripheral vision to the upper right quadrant, so as I am reading I struggle to fully see all the words. The other day I had a really hard time trying to figure out a word, most of the time I can make correct educated guesses, but this word had me stumped... I read it as immeasurable... apparently it was insurmountable

I hadn't read anything remotely motivational, inspiring or developmental since November and to be honest, I didn't feel terribly different during that time, I had read so many different books and was more or less living by what I had read. However I did notice my motivation slipping a lot.

My husband recently changed jobs and now doesn't have to leave for work at the crack of dawn, so now, we both get up about 30 - 40 minutes earlier than we need to, we go downstairs and have half an hour of reading. I must admit, I am much slower than before as it takes so much more concentration, and I have to keep stopping when I cannot figure a word out and have to ask for help! But what I have found it incredible!!

Although I didn't think I was feeling different, I was. Most days I was getting up and going what I needed to do, and getting by. But each day I wake uo and read, I can feel the bubbling of something inside of me, the "get up and go" the motivation, the "I can and I will do this" I have been planning my days better and getting the wheels in motion the actually start living my life and to stop just existing!

I am reading one of my favourite books again, I love it so much and this have massively helped me deal with my stroke and now it is helping get back on track with various aspects of my life. Get back in to fitness, doing what I am able to do, not being put off by what I can't. Looking at my future and what I want to achieve both personally and professionally. Looking at how I can do my business again, not looking at the obstacles.

Personal development has been so important to me, I feel like I am on a one woman mission  to get everyone reading! There are books for everyone and everything! Everyone can spare 30 minutes a day, it just depends on how much you want to do it. For me and my husband, we know the benefits we gain from it, so sacrifice a mere 30 minutes extra in bed, this has such a positive knock on effect!

It's so simple you either stay in bed for those extra 30 minutes, then get up, still feeling sleepy and tried! Drag your, half asleep, self to bathroom, and go about your morning routine wishing you could go back to bed.

Or, get up 30 minutes earlier, make yourself a hot drink, curl up on the sofa with a great motivational/inspiring book and get your grey matter to work!!! You can literally feel your body and mind coming to life, you get excited by the day ahead you are in a great positive mood... You've started  your day in a way you want to carry on!

There have been so many books that have really made a difference but so far some of my favourites are (as well the one I am reading now) Jeff Olsen, The Slight Edge and Dr Steve Peters, The Chimp Paradox (Mind Management) You can  also get these books as audio or find various readings of them on SoundCloud. Another great Book and audio is Darren Hardy, The Compound Effect.

Personal development is something that never ends, we are all continuously growing and developing, and if you are not careful about what we do, and be selective about how you develop, then you could end up being someone you don't like. You can let life take you on a negative downward path to resentment and bitterness, or you can choose to develop your mind, being and spirit in to something that is positive, fulfilling and that people want to be around.

You are completely, 100% in control and responsible for your own happiness and your life. There is a great quote... "If you think you can, or you think you can't, you're right" It is you who sets limits on yourself, no one else. You are the one who has what it takes to make a change, make a difference, make it happen. You are the one who is wholly responsible for your life and how you choose to live it. Stop looking for outside influences to blame, you control how to deal and respond to them.

It is up to you! If you really want to change, become better, healthier, wealthier. happier, more successful at work, in business, in love, in friendship, then you need to take control. I absolutely cannot recommend Jack Canfield's book highly enough, seriously, get the book, commit to 30 minutes a day, take it all on board, soak it all in and become hooked on personal development!

Hospital, hospital, hospital

Today. is exactly 12 weeks since I had my stroke. It is so strange, it feels so long ago, but has gone so quickly! I look back and feel proud of how far I have come, but also look forward and realise there is still a long way to go! Life is most definitely taking me on a journey of experiences and I fully intend on embracing all of them! The highs and the lows!

Speaking of experiences, check out my rather fetching heart monitor and matching pouch! Sexy, huh? Last week I had a 7 day ECG monitor fitted. It wasn't my best ever accessory but I can also tell you it wasn't my worst either! As a child in the 80's and early 90's I must say the large, round, multi-coloured specs my Mum made me wear, still rank at number 1! Cheers Mum, although, she still defends "they were the fashion!"

This morning I had the immense satisfaction of taking that bad boy off and handing it back to the Cardiac Department...which may I add is a bloody long trek through the hospital. Most definitely an ill placed department considering that most of the people who have to get there probably have a dodgy ticker!

After my morning visit, and after lunch, it was back to Basildon hospital for my 2nd visit of the day. This time the Breast Care Clinic! I have to go every year for screening due to family history of Breast Cancer.

Back in November 1991 at the age of 42, my Mum decided to go for a Breast reduction, after the operation an appointment was made for her to go back 3 weeks later.

So, with her perky new friends and a follow-up appointment made, she traveled back home from London. After 3 weeks of admiring her new figure, she went back feeling so happy and with no clue that the world she was currently on top of, was about to come crashing down!

"There's no easy way to tell you this! So I am just going to tell you!" the doctor at the follow-up appointment did not look as pleased as my Mum did! He carried on "During the operation I sliced through a mass, deep in the breast tissue. I removed the whole mass and sent it away for testing! We have been trying to get hold of you for 3 weeks! I am very sorry, you have Breast Cancer!"

4 words! That's all it took! My Mum went through so many tests and a Mastectomy and has been Cancer free for over 24 years now and still going strong!

In 2012 one of my sisters was in between her yearly screening appointments when she found a lump! And again she heard the words those horrific 4 words that no one wants to hear! Sadly she was not as lucky. In February last year, she got her angel wings and I am positive she is up there looking over people and protecting them! So since my Mum and sister have both had cancer me and other sister now have yearly screening.

At this point I have to stress, even if you are in your 20's and think you're too young. Or if you have yearly screening... Check your boobies!!! Get to know them, get to know how they feel and look. Don't just look for a lump... look for changes! The more you check, the more you will notice when something is not right for your body! And secondly, don't wait! Don't wait to see if it changes again, goes away or gets worse!

What to check for

So, after having the wonderful Dr 'Boob' having a good check of the girls I was free to go for another year. (But still checking in the shower & mirror monthly)

Next week I am free of hospital appointments, but only for next week. Monday 1st I am back for a Renal appointment. Next week I shall be enjoying catching up with some friends and a lovely cuppa!

My Introduction

I am a wife and a mother of two very... shall we say, energetic boys. I was also, until recently, a self-employed Childminder. About 3 years ago I had a scare with my Kidneys, I have always had problems and knew I would need a transplant one day.. I thought I was looking at a good 30-40 years. Thankfully, my scare was just that, a scare. But it had made me aware that 30-40 years was more like 10-15 years.

Since then my kidneys have been on a steady decline, right now, I am looking at 2-5 years! But I am okay with that now. The way I see it, I am in the best position I can be. I know about it! Most people don't know they have a Kidney problem until they are practically failing and facing dialysis. I have always known about my Kidneys so I have had chance to get my head round it all. Although still, at times, I get quite scared!

I started my Childminding business in August 2011 and all was going well until I had my little wobble in 2013! I knew then that Childminding would not be an option forever, so I set out looking for other business ideas. I am a very creative person and love to make anything! I have made real cakes, nappy cakes, wooden plaques, keepsake boxes, photo albums, cake pops, wooden picture transfers... I will try my hand at most things. 

In 2014 I was introduced to an MLM business and I can tell you now, what I said about the business, I shall not repeat! After a few months I decided to bite the bullet and give it a go... As I said, I will try my hand at anything. The business was not easy... but I loved it! 

It wasn't just about money, it was about helping people, building them up, giving people things that money cannot buy. Belief. Confidence. Strength, Courage and most of all, friendship! A huge part of the business is personal development. Something I hadn't really heard of or fully understood. 

One of the first books I was encouraged to read was Jack Canfield, How To Get From Where You Are To here You Want To Be.  It was incredible, they said just read 10 pages a day, well, I took my book to Cornwall and was totally hooked! 

The reason this book has been so important to me, is because at the time it wasn't. It was only later on, when I started to to put it in to practice did I realise how important it was. It talks about talking responsibility for everything that happens to you. It explains that the event, whatever that may be, will always be the event. The death of someone, rain at a picnic, traffic jam, health issue... I am sure you get the picture. So, the event is always the event, the only variable is you! How you react to that event, that's how to determine the outcome. 

The reason this book has been so important, came to light in October 2015! Thursday 29th was half-term, I had my own two children and two childminding children with. W were at my Mother-in-Law's house, who was also a childminder, having a children's Halloween party. 

All of a sudden I felt peculiar, and ended up on the floor. Luckily I was with quick thinking family who called an ambulance. Everything is a bit vague, like trying to remember a dream. I could not move the entire right side of my body! 

I was taken to A&E and remember being terrified that I was going to die and feeling devastated that I hadn't given my children one last hug, one last kiss, told them I loved them one last time. Even now, typing this, I get a lump in my throat! I was admitted to hospital and told I'd had a stroke!

My family were all understandably concerned and upset. But me? After the initial shock, I was actually okay with it! I had Jack Canfield's book in my head! My take on the situation... Yes, I had a stroke, there was nothing I could do to change that! It had happened, all I could do now was deal with it.No whinging, moaning no woe is me! I realised quickly that the outcome was purely down to me!

I was so determined to get out and be with my family. I pushed myself everyday and told the Doctors I wanted to be out by Friday 6th November to surprise my kids and be there at the school gates! 8 Days  after my stroke!

8 days later, I walked out of hospital! Very slowly and tentative, but I was walking! It has now been almost 12 weeks since my stroke and I am improving everyday! It might sound so strange and of course a stroke is not a good thing to have, but it has made me a stronger and more positive person! It was something that was out of my control, the only thing I could control was my attitude and that has been down to the personal development I have done and will continue to do.

My Kidneys are still holding up, just and I am undergoing loads of tests to find out why I had the stroke. My journey is far from over. But I know now that I can and will handle anything! There will be challenges and very tough roads ahead, I cannot control that, but I can control how I deal with it all, head on and with  positivity!

So, that's me! I want to write about my journey, share all the experience and the lessons I learn along the way.